He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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