Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
