what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
