so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
