I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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