I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
