Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
