My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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