i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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