Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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