I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
