What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
