I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She even gives head with a lisp.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Houston, we have a blender
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Randomize
