I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
