Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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