I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
