I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
