Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
