Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
