That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
