Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want a musical about memes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
