Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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