Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
