You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
