White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
