oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
