i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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