Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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