Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
