I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
