At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
