my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dick very happy bro
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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