I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
