why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
