how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
