i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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