if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
