I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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