we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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