I skipped work to stalk him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
