My nipple is on Facebook.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm both gender and math confused
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
