I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
