you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
