is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
