32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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