You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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