so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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