she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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