I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
false alarm, still single
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
