I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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