Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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