and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
