This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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