my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
